| Sunday, January 11, 2004 |  |
| How Now, Brown Cow? | 2 comments |
| 11 Jan 2004 @ 23:52 How Now, Brown Cow? From Jerry L. Gardner 1-9-4 With all the talk about MCD (mad cow disease) in conjunction with all the standard bovine excrement that continually flows out of Washington, I recently discovered something that has been around for many years now, the politico/socio ownership of the poor dairy cow. I couldn't help but notice just how timely this piece really is. In keeping up with times and in an effort to remain politically correct, some discerning individual has revised and modified the original statement (which only included items down to DICTATORSHIP), to include the most up to date political gymnastics with the poor cows. FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cow. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens that the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all of the milk. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment. MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbor decides who gets the milk. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbor picks someone to tell you who gets the milk. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything. BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain, then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law in the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax reduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian Intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority stockholder, who sells the rights to all seven cow's milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them. FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf. TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specific gender. COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like.these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. More > |
| Proof that the 'force' really is with us | 0 comments |
| 11 Jan 2004 @ 23:50 Proof that the 'force' really is with us Ai Lin Choo Vancouver Sun The ideas behind Star Wars, The X-Files and an assortment of other psychic films and shows may not be so far-fetched after all. According to a new study on visual perception, the "force" is possibly inherent in all of us, although we can't see it. For the many who sometimes walk into a room and feel that something is not quite right, the answer may lie in a sub-system of our visual experience, says Ronald Rensink, University of B.C. associate professor in psychology and computer science. "Basically visual perception then is two parts. It's got the sort of pictures we all know and love, and then we've got this other thing, this feeling, this using the force, this sensing stream, and they work in parallel, I think. They both operate at the same time," he said. While you may not see anything, Rensink says the "sixth sense" or as he calls it, "mindsight," is basically another kind of vision where people can sense a change and have a visual experience of it. He explains that "mindsight" differs from our usual concept of psychic phenomena because people have to keep their eyes open to employ this mode of visual perception. Click Here For Entire Story |